the esthetic of lostness
by burningdarkfire
Summary: "Alfred is just as astonished as everyone else when Matthew announces that he plans to go to Europe during the summer, and that Alfred is coming with him." AU oneshot. Brotherly USCan, some US/UK and Fra/Can


**_the esthetic of lostness_**

_Because the summer was made for wandering._

* * *

_i. healed by wind and sun_

* * *

Canada is cold – the winters are full of wind, ice, and snow. Matthew loves Canada and he loves winter, but once in a while, he wants to go travelling somewhere far away and warm.

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* * *

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ii. over the world and under the world

* * *

Alfred finds Matthew staring at his world map wistfully one day. Without a second thought, he bounds into his brother's room and jumps onto his bed.

"Let's go on an adventure, Mattie!"

Alfred is just as astonished as everyone else when Matthew announces that he plans to go to Europe during the summer, and that Alfred is coming with him.

_

* * *

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iii. walk in empty places

* * *

"I'm going to miss this place," Matthew admits fondly as he looks around Alfred's bedroom. His closet has been completely emptied of all its contents, the majority of which is lying on the floor, the minority of which is actually packed.

Alfred punches him in the arm and laughs. "Quit being so sentimental, Mattie. You're the one who wanted to go, and besides, it's not like we're never coming back. It's only for two months."

Matthew smiles and folds another shirt. "Yeah."

Maybe when they come back, they can fill the empty rooms with new memories.

_

* * *

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iv. one day here and the next day gone

* * *

Matthew has always had a fondness for maps. Every day, before he goes to sleep, he'll choose a few – of the city, of the country, of the continent – and make a note of the places he has gone and the things he has seen.

Alfred always chuckles when he wakes up in the hotel room to find his brother asleep in the armchair, a pencil still in his hand and maps spread out around him.

They drift through Europe together, a different place every night, but Matthew always keeps his maps.

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* * *

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v. destiny calls and I go

* * *

Alfred is all smiles and cheers every time they pack up and get into the car, train, plane. He runs ahead along the road, bouncing back to Matthew every once in a while to point out something he sees, while his brother follows along, amused.

Matthew prefers taking his time to let the sights soak in, taking in the local stores, people, air with wide eyes. He lets Alfred race ahead and stops to take a few pictures of an ordinary bird next to a small nondescript building.

They wander onwards, neither of them searching for anything and neither of them expecting anything other than the best time of their lives.

_

* * *

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_vi. that we should voyage far_

* * *

The only thing that was planned out in the beginning was that they would go to as many places as possible, travel as far and as long as possible before they were forced to go back to school in the fall.

The further they go, the less Matthew wants it to end. Alfred just prattles on about how awesome the trip is and how he's so excited to see the world.

They have high expectations from having no expectations and are open to all their journey has to offer.

_

* * *

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vii. no longer burdened by what's left behind

* * *

There's a new flush in Matthew's cheeks to compliment his golden tan.

There's a new patch of sunscreen on Alfred's nose to compliment his burnt skin.

The two of them live together and laugh together, their worries an ocean away.

_

* * *

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_viii. escape all that waiting and staying_

* * *

It's hard to feel stuck when they're constantly on the go, moving from one city to another in a matter of days. Matthew is glad for Alfred, glad to be in places where nobody knows them. Alfred is happy to be moving, happy that Matthew is there with him as he powers along.

They both get the feeling that neither of them were really meant for staying still.

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* * *

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ix. the open road, the bitter song, the heavy load

* * *

"Be more careful next time," Matthew says disapprovingly as Alfred winces on his way to bed.

Alfred grins and points at his brother's cheek. "You were no better."

Matthew flushes and a hand flies up to cover the bruise. "You pulled me down with you!"

Alfred just laughs and says a cheery good night.

There's a moment when Matthew leans over to give Alfred a peck on the cheek before they go to bed. It's something they used to do when they were younger, when they were playing house and of course, Matthew was the sidekick and the oblivious girlfriend and the news reporter.

Matthew plays ten thousand roles to make Alfred happy, and in return, Alfred is forever protecting Matthew. It's what heroes do, after all, no matter how much he might have to give up for it.

_

* * *

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x. no time for spreadin' roots

* * *

They visit cities of churches and streets full of musicians, and Matthew almost wishes he could settle down in Europe and soak in all the continent has to offer.

"Whoa, hey, Mattie! Come here and look at this!"

Alfred is calling and Matthew flicks a coin at the performer he was watching. There are people waiting for him back home, but this summer is theirs and theirs alone.

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* * *

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xi. all cities were the same

* * *

Alfred has so little appreciation for the arts and for history that it makes Matthew wince. He whines whenever Matthew brings him along to a museum or to a landmark and only stops when Matthew sighs, gives up for the day, and agrees to try and find the nearest fast food place.

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* * *

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xii. No yesterdays on the road

* * *

"Sorry," Alfred mumbles quietly. Matthew stays silent as he drives through the torrents of rain with a shirt that's nearly just as wet as if he had been outside. "I didn't mean to spill the soda on you!"

Matthew grits his teeth. "I know you didn't."

Alfred apologizes again, and Matthew says nothing else.

The next morning, Alfred approaches Matthew with a donut and a hopeful smile. Matthew shakes his head, takes the donut, and smiles back.

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* * *

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xiii. life is short and the world is wide

* * *

Alfred catches Matthew with his finger on one of his maps, muttering as he traces a route around Europe.

"What are you doing?"

Matthew looks up, a slightly panicked look on his face. "There are so many places to go to! I don't know how we'll be able to fit everything in …"

Alfred grabs his brother's hands and hauls him out of his chair. Matthew lets out a little squeak of surprise as Alfred drags him outside.

"Stop worrying," Alfred tells him as he twirls around, reveling in sunshine and freedom. "We'll go everywhere we want to go."

_

* * *

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xxiv. two ways of getting home

* * *

"Hey, Mattie, check those two out." Alfred nods in the direction of a teenage boy and girl walking down the busy street.

Matthew watches them curiously as the pair near the bench the two brothers are resting on. "What about them?"

"Young love, hmm?" Alfred laughs easily, gesturing at the male. "Look at him, he's so awkward!"

"Alfred," Matthew sighs, giving his brother a sharp look. "I'm pretty sure they're just brother and sister."

"No, no," Alfred insists, leaning forward. "Right there. They're stopping to talk to that musician. I would bet you anything that blonde dude has something for the violinist."

Matthew looks, and sure enough, the boy is flustered and scowling, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as his sister giggles. "I'm not taking that bet."

Alfred sits back and crows in victory, "I knew it!"

A light breeze brushes over the two of them, and after a comfortable silence, Alfred asks thoughtfully, "Think we'll meet anyone interesting?"

Matthew elbows him in the side. "Alfred! We didn't come here to get dates!"

His brother just chuckles and leans back to look at the clear sky. "Either way, we'll go home happy, hmm?"

"Of course," Matthew scolds.

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* * *

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xv. trusting strangers

* * *

Alfred eagerly picks up the cup in front of him and slurps up a mouthful loudly. He spits it back out almost immediately, a disgusted look on his face. Matthew just laughs at him and drinks his own tea.

The teahouse's owner comes over with a deadly scowl.

Alfred's eyes light up and he asks the stranger out for dinner before he can even speak.

Arthur sputters for a bit but finally says yes, his face a bright red.

"You're still paying for that tea and that cup though, you git!"

Matthew giggles into his drink.

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* * *

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xvi. can you hear the distance

* * *

Matthew smiles lightly when Alfred comes home from his date. Alfred goes on and on about how charming Arthur looks when he's embarrassed and Matthew is incredibly happy for his brother.

"Don't get too attached," he warns despite the grin the on his face. "We'll have to go leave eventually."

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* * *

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xvii. curse of the gypsy blood

* * *

Alfred puts on a brave face when they go back to the teahouse for the last time before leaving London, but Matthew can see how upset he is when Arthur says goodbye stiffly and offers his hand to shake.

He can't say he's too surprised when Alfred rejects the outstretched hand and instead pulls Arthur up for a kiss.

As they leave, Matthew glances back to see Arthur with a dazed look on his face and a crumpled sheet of paper with Alfred's number and email in his hand.

_

* * *

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xviii. Quarter moon better than none

* * *

Matthew can barely see anything around them as they cross the English Channel. Clouds flicker across the quarter moon and he looks ahead, loving the feeling of the wind in his hair.

Behind him, Alfred lets out a loud snore and Matthew turns around with a sigh.

_

* * *

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xix. he who travels fastest goes alone

* * *

"Hey," Alfred says one evening when they're watching the sunset. "Thanks for taking me along with you."

Matthew turns to him and teases, "Weren't you the one that suggested we go on an adventure? Well here we are."

A cool breeze blows into their faces as the last of the sun dips below the horizon. Alfred smiles and says, "Yeah. I guess I was."

_

* * *

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xx. home is where we are not

* * *

They never say they want to go home. "Home" is their hotel of the day; "home" is packed away in their suitcase every time they get ready to move on.

They visit foreign countries and new places and rarely ever think of home when they're together.

_

* * *

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xxi. Wild heart, child heart

* * *

Matthew somehow finds himself agreeing to a date with the chef of the French restaurant they're eating at. Alfred is laughing himself silly at what he calls the adorably clueless look on Matthew's face as they're brought their food from the chef himself, with a dash of flirting and a coy wink on the side.

"Man, agreeing to dates with strangers," Alfred chuckles as he reaches over to ruffle Matthew's hair. "Who knew little Matthew would turn out so wild?"

Matthew flushes and knocks his brother's hand away. "You're one to talk!"

_

* * *

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xxii. longer ways to go

* * *

Francis pouts as Matthew walks ahead of them into the lobby of their hotel. He casts a look sideways at Alfred, who's watching him in amusement.

"I don't think your brother likes me very much," he sighs dramatically, his English tinged with a lilting French accent. "He wouldn't even give me a kiss goodnight."

Alfred pats Francis on the shoulder consolingly. "You have a long way to go if you want to get anywhere with Mattie, my friend."

_

* * *

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xxiii. Off the beaten path I reign

* * *

Francis offers to take them sightseeing. During the day, Alfred treks after him and Matthew with a knowing grin on his face as Francis talks about all of Paris's landmarks and how it's known as the city of romance.

At night, the three of them find themselves at a bar. Alfred chugs his beer and throws one arm around Matthew with a drunken whoop.

"Great place, Francis," he slurs, blowing sloppy kisses at two ladies on the dance floor.

Francis chuckles. "I know my city well."

Matthew's eyes widen when Francis leans in, but he doesn't push him away as their lips meet.

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* * *

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xxiv. where we will, we'll roam

* * *

Alfred cheerfully high fives Francis in the face before they leave and tells him that if he doesn't call Matthew, he'll personally hunt the chef down and make him eat scones for the rest of his life.

Francis shudders and quickly agrees.

Matthew is beginning to think they should have taken this trip a long time ago. Either way, it looks like he and Alfred would be coming back next year.

The sense of freedom to go wherever they wish was beautiful.

_

* * *

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xxv. grin like a dog

* * *

They travel from sea to sea and visit countless marketplaces and museums, landmarks and theme parks. Alfred takes it all in with a nearly permanent grin etched into his face and a laugh that's always waiting to burst forward. Matthew smiles all the time and chuckles whenever his brother does something silly.

The pictures don't quite capture the way happiness radiates off of them as Alfred musses up Matthew's hair and Matthew trips Alfred in response.

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* * *

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xxvi. the call of sea, stars, and sky

* * *

"It's beautiful," Matthew says in awe as they lie on their backs and gaze up at the nighttime sky. They're somewhere in between France and Germany and it's sometime in between midnight and dawn and the sky has so many stars it seems like it's impossible for them all to be contained.

Alfred stretches his hand out as far as it will go, like he's trying to snatch a star out of the sky. "We should visit there one day too. We'll go everywhere – up to space, under the sea, into the center of the Earth!"

Matthew just laughs and keeps on looking at the stars. "I kind of like it here on Earth, where we're supposed to be."

Alfred pouts and grabs Matthew's hand in his own. "Come on! Learn to push the boundaries!"

"I already have," Matthew replies, squeezing his brother's hand.

_

* * *

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xxvii. the whole unvisited world

* * *

"We have to do this again," Alfred insists, and Matthew can only nod vigorously along with his words. Alfred sweeps his arm around them, gesturing at everything that surrounds them. "There's still so much for us to see!"

"The whole world," Matthew agrees softly, eyes shining in wonder. "The whole world is still waiting for us to discover it.

_

* * *

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xxviii. wanderer broken down before the wind

* * *

Alfred stares stupidly at the airport, his eyes glazing over. Matthew squeezes him arm sympathetically, his own eyes tearing up as well.

"I don't want to go," Alfred says wistfully, and Matthew agrees with all of his heart. "I mean, I don't mind going home, but I hate this … this end of the road feeling, you know? I don't want to reach the end."

Matthew understands.

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* * *

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xxix. without sense of time lost

* * *

The journey back passes in a haze as evening outside blurs into night despite how they chase the setting sun in an effort to go back in time.

Matthew falls asleep with his head on Alfred's shoulder. Alfred is holding Matthew close, one arm around his shoulder, and he in turns slips away into dreams as the seconds flutter past.

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* * *

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xxx. where people go

* * *

"We're back," Matthew whispers, standing in the hallway of their apartment.

Even Alfred is slightly subdued as he brings the last suitcase in. "Yeah."

With a sudden movement, Matthew switches on the lights and darts into their room, sprawling out on his bed. "We're back!"

Alfred follows, laughter spilling from his lips and he jumps onto his brother.

"Alfred!" Matthew groans, trying to dislodge the weight on top of him. "Get off!"

Alfred pointedly ignores Matthew's pleas and makes himself comfortable. Minutes trickle away in a soothing silence and Alfred's about to fall asleep when he hears Matthew's murmur.

"It's nice to travel, but it's nice to have somewhere to come back to too."

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* * *

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_xxxi. the esthetic of lostness_

* * *

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

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A/N -

I'm afraid a lot of this might only make sense in my head ^^' I really, really love this set of prompts (August from 31_days) and I think back to them a lot whenever I'm stuck. I'd love to grab a few friends one day and travel Europe ... I don't know where Mattie and Alfred got the money or time though ^^'!

Excuse the formatting, ff ate it.


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